It's Tops

It’s Tops
1801 Market Street at Octavia
415-431-6395
B-
“Where Good Friends Meet” since 1952 reads their logo on the menu. This place has been around a long time and is in great condition for a restaurant in a geriatric state. This is American Diner personified and really tiny to boot. There is an anal retentive aura about this diner, and it’s comforting and alarming at the same time, kind of like arriving at The Bates Motel exhausted, and the relief Janet Leigh expressed when she got into that steaming hot shower. That is of course, the rest of the story as Paul Harvey has proclaimed about the same amount of time It’s Tops has been open. The walls and ceiling are vintage knotty pine with a recent coat of varnish. The floor is drab linoleum that may just be so old the pattern or colors are worn away. There are 12 burnt orange stools at the counter and 8 booths that can squeeze four, five or more depending on size and lots of small people crowd into this place late at night. Oldie’s but Goodie’s play at all hours of the day or night and they have old fashion Seeburg ‘Wall-O-Matic’ juke box selectors along the counter and at each booth lending an authenticity money can’t buy. The walls are adorned randomly with bric a brac aimed at presenting a rustic, quaint atmosphere that works. The waitress wears black and pink in a period uniform that might be from the era they were first worn in diners. The waiters wear black slacks and pink t-shirts with the joint’s logo and messages printed on them. They have a sign outside that proudly proclaims that they have the best burger in the city according to someone’s poll and if it’s true, I’m reducing the price on the Brooklyn Bridge just for you! The burger I order arrived as ordered, but had that unmistakable taste of previously frozen meat although the bun was toasted and very good. The bun looked just like the buns Costco sells in bulk that are dusted with cornmeal and are a good match for a juicy burger. The cheese was melted, the lettuce chopped and the whole thing came with a slathering of mayo, a couple slices of tomato and three thin slices of pickle.

Joining the cheeseburger on the small white plate with a blue ring on the outer rim were some heavily salted, house cut fries that were fresh and limp, as well as too salty. I note that it is also more expensive than most other burgers reviewed by the Burger Bible and lacking in vision and character that most much better display in abundance. It’s Tops offers a broad menu including sandwiches, salads, desserts and a variety of blue plate specials and quirky, almost petulant service that is polite but suspicious in an eerie way, like Norman Bates. It also boasts some of the weirdest hours I’ve ever seen because they close from 3:00 to 8:00 PM weekdays which I guess is siesta time for the strange staff. It’s worth a visit because it’s strange but good. They offer lots of fountain shakes and malts.